Written by Lauren James Budhu
With holidays like Galentine’s Day and Valentine’s Day fast approaching, it’s easy to think of that special someone in your life– whether it’s your mom, best gal pal, or significant other. However, it shouldn’t just be the one day that you think of your family, friends, or partner– it’s something that should always be a key point in your life, particularly your female friendships. “Female friendships are a unique and powerful force in our lives, marked by their distinctiveness and longevity,” Forbes writer Mark Travers said in his piece, “A Unique Reason Why Female Friendships are Stronger– By a Psychologist.” The real question is why?
The answer lies within the concept known as the “tend and befriend” mechanism. Proposed by UCLA psychology professor emeritus Shelley E. Taylor, this theory suggests that “due to different parental roles, females have evolved stress responses centered on nurturing (tending) and forming social alliances (befriending) to enhance survival.” The articlecontinues to say that instead of withdrawing or engaging in conflict, women lean into their relationships, using care to navigate all challenges. This proactive and supportive approach not only alleviates stress but also strengthens the emotional bonds between friends, making the relationship more resilient over time.
Have you heard about the book “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus”? It highlights how we think, act, andsolve problems differently, and are more emotionally than logically driven. Although men and women complement each other, as women we thrive on strong relationships with our girlfriends.
This is interesting: the psychology behind strong female friendships is pretty powerful. According to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology, women with early-stage breast cancer were at least four times more likely to die from cancer if they didn't have very many friends. Those with a larger group of friends with early-stage breast cancer had a much better survival rate. In the study, researchers at Vanderbilt-Ingram Cancer Center and colleagues at the Shanghai Institute of Preventive Medicine found that women with the highest satisfaction with marriage, family, and friends at six months had a 38% reduced risk of mortality and a 48% lower risk of recurrence when compared with those with poor social ties.
Unfortunately, the reality is it often feels impossible to fit in the time and effort to prioritize relationships. Many people have a group in their lives they consider friends and whom they value deeply, and they would like for those friendships to be even stronger. Yet it might seem like spending the time to cultivate a deeper relationship is something that would take immense effort, time, or planning. It doesn’t have to be, though! Here are some ways to bolster the friendships you have:
— Ask a question you’ve been putting off because you thought you didn’t have time to talk about it.
— Figure out a date that’s important to your friend—whether it’s their birthday, anniversary, or even a difficult milestone in their lives, like a parent’s death—and write it on your calendar so that you will know to do something personal when the time comes.
— Think of a memory that makes you laugh, and text or email it to your friend.
— Plan the next time you can see each other in person—and if that’s not possible, plan a time to catch up, for real.
No matter your age, treasure your girlfriends for as long as possible, as they are the backbone of your support system.
